Saturday, May 7, 2011

We're Having....

A really good weekend. 

So why, the above picture?  Well, first off to freak out my mother.  Hahahahahaha... sorry, Momma.   And in case anyone is confused, no I am not pregnant.  

Secondly, tomorrow is Mother's Day and I cannot help but reflect on my almost 5 years of being a momma myownself.  

Motherhood has been so much more than I ever thought I could be. 

More happiness than I could ever articulate. 

More (emotional) pain  than I ever thought I could feel.  

More laughter...

More tears...

More joy...

More fears...

Okay, before I turn this into a Dr. Seuss poem (I love them when they eat soup, I love them even when they poop, I love them more than our chicken coop) let me get to my point.  Motherhood changed my heart in more ways than What to Expect When You're Expecting (and Karen and Amber, if you are reading this see above note to my mother concerning the current occupancy of my womb)told me it would.   Yes, the book was  right that my hair, my skin, my body, and my sleep are all completely changed. 

However, WEWE (I don't know if that is the official abbreviation, but just go with it because the title of the book is long, however, now I'm realize it is not nearly as long as typing out this explanation of why I put WEWE.....  err, I've always like to shorten, even before pregnancy when I was a courtn') did not mention anything about how your mind changes.   How the very lens in which you view your life and the world changes.  

At approximately 1 month and 2 days after this... 

And 4 hours before this...

Is when the way that I view every thought, feeling, emotion, relationship, connection I had in my world changed so that I no longer saw it through LeeAnn's eyes.  At that very instant is when I began to view the world through the eyes of Bub's Mother.  

In that very instant that he entered the world I got what no book, website, or experienced mother could have told me.   For the rest of my life, regardless of what experiences I have, I will always firstly look at every situation through this new lens.  

Every hurting, sick, or mistreated child I see becomes my babies.  

Every decision I make, I will think about the impact it will make on them.  

Every person I have in my life will be at the consideration of the impact they will have on my family.  

Every scary news story I watch the thoughts of what this will mean for my children. 

They are always present in my thoughts, are the focus of many of my daily conversations, and the consumers of the majority of my energy.   And for the rest of my life, when they are gone and grown I know that is where they will remain.  

And even when one of them is smacking me in the head with Llama, Llama Red Pajamas in an effort to get me to finish typing a blog (er... not that would be happening at this very moments by my sweet cherub), I am grateful to be a mother this Mother's Day.   I am grateful to be their mother this Mother's Day.  

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